Reluctant Party “Demoted”

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE — DAY
MARABEL (30s but dead) sits at her desk typing away in
silence.Marabel’s door swings open and in walks TODD (25 but dead).
He holds the door open for a newlydead to walk in. Todd
stands at a far distance as if he doesn’t want to touch the
man.

TODD
Right this way Mr. Peppitoe I know
you got a million questions…but
when you walk through that other
door…your life will be…

Todd looks over at Marabel unsure with himself.

TODD (CONT’D)
Over? Yeah your life will be
over…yeah…

The newlydead holds a tiny box and shuffles his feet looking
sad. Todd waves his hands gesturing for the man to walk
faster.

NEWLYDEAD
Oh…ookay. I just have so many
questions. Like what’s this box
for? Can I get a pamphlet or
something?

Todd pauses with shock then laughs.

TODD
A pamphlet? Oh no. No-no-nono….
no. That’s funny though. Just
go through that door, and at the
end of the hall you’ll see a bright
light. Walk through it. And you’re
gravy baby.

Todd slaps him on the butt as he walks out the room. Todd
slams the door and does a spin!

TODD (CONT’D)
And He. IS. OUT OF HERE!

Todd snaps and pops up a bat in his hands, as he finishes
swing the bat POOFS and disappears.
Todd takes a seat.

TODD (CONT’D)
What a shipwreck, huh? I mean okay,
he didn’t actually die in a
shipwreck.
(beat)
But he was eaten by a shark. Pshhh.
You should’ve seen it…But I gotta
say swimming in the ocean without
the threat of drowning, Is hands
down the best perks of this god
awful job.

Marabel stops typing and looks up at Todd disappointed.

TODD (CONT’D)
(clueless)
What?

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE — DAY
Todds sits a desk filled with papers, he stares at them with
despair and exhales.
A analog clock reads: 12:00pm.

TODD
LUNCH!!

Todd tosses his chair back really hard, stands, then snaps
his fingers. Nothing happens. Todd snaps again.

TODD (CONT’D)
IRENE!!!!!

INT. IRENES OFFICE — DAY
IRENE (30s but dead) looks up from her computer, rolls her
eyes, and sighs.

Todd swings open the door with out a knock.

TODD
You can’t be serious with this
shit.
IRENE
What now Todd?

TODD
I was okay with being demoted. I
was okay with the new workload,
fine. But what? Now I can’t fast
travel?

Irene sips some water and shrugs.

TODD (CONT’D)
Let me talk to Marabel one more
time. Let me just say “look I
understand the importance of being
a death social worker, and how we
make Death’s job easier,
blah..blah..blah.” And we can move
on. I just made one mistake. I miss
my perks.

Todd nods and smiles.

IRENE
No.
TODD
That’s it! I hate my death. I
thought I hated my life. But this
is infinitely worse.
IRENE
(sarcastic monotone)
The amount of empathy I have for
you right now is just bursting out
of my chest.
TODD
You’re a dick Irene. And that’s
coming from me.
IRENE
Look you are a soul collector now.
We have different priorities.
TODD
So now I have to walk to get food,
like I’m alive?
(scoffs)
That don’t make sense.
IRENE
Is that really all you care about?
TODD
Yes.
(beat)
No.
(beat)
I don’t know, Shit.
IRENE
This is why Marabel let your ass
go.
TODD
(insecure)
She said that?

Irene sips water and shrugs.

TODD (CONT’D)
This is degrading, and lonely.
IRENE
Dems rules.

Irene stands up like she’s about shake Todd’s hand, then she
turns and sneezes. Her nose flies off and hits the drapes
behind her and slowly rolls down.

IRENE (CONT’D)
Oh my god.
TODD
Oh my god.

Irene gives out a slight screech and dives to the floor.

TODD (CONT’D)
Eww does that happen to all of us
down here?
IRENE
Shut up!
TODD
Is that why Marabel is like a
skeleton? She must have the most
fucked up sneezes.

Todd stands up to get a look at Irene but is also scared to.

TODD (CONT’D)
Holy Shit. Bless you. Wait do we
say that down here?
IRENE
This isn’t hell dickhead!
TODD
Okay…okay sorry!
IRENE
Just leave! Get out! I’m hideous,
get me a mask, a bandage!
Something!

Todd is about to run out, then stops and looks back at Irene.
Todd sighs and slowly walks over to the hunched over Irene.
Reluctantly he starts rubbing her back.

TODD
Hey…it’s not that bad, I’ve seen
some pretty fucked up shit.

Irene slightly sobs.

IRENE
Not helping.
TODD
Look it’s just the two of us down
here. We gotta be a team.
(beat)
I’m sorry for how I acted. I’m
still adjusting.

Todd looks around the room.

TODD (CONT’D)
To everything. I promise I’m really
trying.

Irene stops sobbing.

IRENE
Fine.
TODD
I’ll get you a bandage.

Todd runs out the room. He comes back with a bandage. He
hands it to Irene.

TODD (CONT’D)
So…about that fast travel.
IRENE
Fuck you Todd.