Johnny In Class

Short Comic Sketch

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MR. JESSUP (early 40s’), babbles on from a zoom call in JOHNNY’S (18), American history class.

MR. JESSUP
(fading in and out of earshot)
And…if the confederates…just Took their time….they Would’ve…and my grandmother… would’ve…any more questions?

The screen shows a gruesome picture of the American civil war in an all-out battle. Johnny runs his mouse over the PowerPoint picture, bored out of his mind. Mr. Jessup closes the PowerPoint showing all the student’s faces.
There are around 8 students in class. Two have their webcam off, one is asleep. Two more are texting with each other, and two stare blankly into the screen. And then…there is Johnny.

Johnny slowly lifts up to reveal he has a candy bar. In a smaller box at the bottom of Johnny’s screen, is the first one to notice, Mr. Jessup.
Mr. Jessup scoffs. His tiny box lights up. Johnny ignores it and continues to open his candy bar.

The two students who had their webcams turned off are now turned on and bright-eyed, looking at the screen. It’s two-woman johnny’s age DORCY AND CLARA.

Johnny looks at Dorcy and Clara, confused about what they are looking at.
Johnny starts to look around at the entire class. The entire class is focused and looking at their screen. Johnny takes a bite of his candy. DUSTIN (18) crumbles at the sight of Johnny taking a bite as if Johnny just ate the last candy bar ever. Mr. Jessup looks annoyed.

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MR. JESSUP
(clears his throat)
Excuse me, Johnny, but I have a rule in my class…if you’re going to eat…you have to bring enough for the rest of the course.

The entire class starts to nod. Johnny starts to chuckle.

JOHNNY
That’s a good one, Mr. J
Johnny is about to take another bite when…

MR. JESSUP
AM I A MOTHER FUCKING JOKE TO YOU?

JOHNNY
Uhh —

DORCY
Mr. J is right. You better break me off a piece that, asshole.

Johnny looks around, confused.

JOHNNY
What? I’m the asshole here?

DUSTIN
Mmmmmhmmmm! Run that shit!

JOHNNY
No!

The students collectively let sounds of annoyance “Pshh,” “Ahh,” “Come on.”

JOHNNY
We’re not in class.

MR. JESSUP
Oh, right, and I’m not teaching. Idiot.

JOHNNY
Mr. J!

MR. JESSUP
Give us your damn candy bar.

JOHNNY
It’s mine!

A foreign exchange student from Russia SLOVAK (18) interjects.

SLOVAK
(Russian accent)
Where I come from… that’s our candy bar.

JOHNNY
Slovak, you are hundreds of miles away. You expect me to hop a jet, to deliver you a centimeter of chocolate?

All the students collectively say “yes.”

SLOVAK
(Russian accent)
It’s only fair.

MR. JESSUP
Give us the damn candy.

CLARA
Just gimme a Lil taste, one Lil lick. That’s all I need.

DORCY
You fat piece of shit. I should come to your house shove my fist down your throat an —

Another student CLANCY (18), interjects.

CLANCY
Guys, I’m diabetic… I’m actually okay if we don’t get the candy bar. Does anyone have any celery?

JOHNNY
ENOUGH! Fine. Fine!

Johnny runs and grabs a garbage can.

JOHNNY
You see this?

Johnny drops the candy in the garbage.

JOHNNY
See? Done. Now no one can have it.

The zoom is silent for a beat, and Dorcy is missing from her webcam.
Johnny walks in closer to his screen. He squints and looks.

JOHNNY
Umm…wheres Dorcy?

DORCY
Give me the Damn candy bar!
Dorcy tackles Johnny, and they fly out of view of the zoom call.

THE END.

Odd Man Out

JOHNNY (18), a young underachiever, leans back in his swivel chair as his zoom plays on in the background. MR. JESSUP (early ’40s) babbles on about stupid algebra, and as Johnny swivels back and forth, we can see math equations plastered on Johnny’s mac book screen.

MR. JESSUP
The X goes there, and then the Y is like, oh hell Nah, you best be back-in up…
Johnny ignores what Mr. Jessup says and tosses a ball willy nilly in the air.
MR. JESSUP
Okay…so does anyone have any questions?

10 blank faces stare at their screens and don’t react to Mr. Jessup.
Zoom goes full screen to show Mr. Jessup.

MR. JESSUP
Okay, class…well, now it’s time to
The tone switches, sounding evil as if you are in hell. Dark, gloomy, nerve-racking.

MR. JESSUP
Pick partners for today’s classwork.

Johnny sits up in his chair, and the ball falls behind him with a big…
PLOP!

JOHNNY
(talking to himself)
…What?

Fire plumes around Mr. Jessup as he laughs like an evil scientist.

MR. JESSUP
(evil voice)
That’s right fucker. Fight to the death…to Get the partner you want.

Johnny now stands.
MR. JESSUP
(evil voice)
Are you ready?

JOHNNY
No! Wait!

MR. JESSUP
(evil voice)
Go!

BING! BING! BING!
Johnny’s zoom chat starts to go off. Johnny looks at the screen and see’s two of his classmates disappear.

JOHNNY
No..no.no.no.

Two more students leave.
Bing! Bing! Johnny starts to frantically type in the chat.

Johnny: Angela?
Angela: Can’t with Jeremy
Johnny: Carl?
Carl: With Dustin, dude.

Students leave, and Johnny freaks out, falling down to the floor.
JOHNNY
(under his breath)
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
MR. JESSUP
(in a happier tone)
Ah…Johnny…I guess we got an odd number today.

In full screen is Mr. Jessup with a big nerdy smile.
Johnny slowly sits up.

MR. JESSUP (OC.)
Don’t worry, I’ll be your partner.

Johnny throws his router out the window.

THE END.

May I use the restroom?

A messy desk full of loose papers, broken pens, a big gulp, and a laptop in the middle of a zoom class call. Sitting in front of the mac book laptop is JOHNNY (18), friendly, attentive, and surprisingly dressed up nicely for a zoom class, button-up with a bow-tie, iron-pressed slacks with a crips leather belt…like come on, dude…chill. He reaches over and takes a sip of his big gulp.
MR. JESSUP (early ’40s) tries to show a chemical reaction to his science class through zoom. With test tubes all laid out in front of him, Mr. Jessup starts to write on the whiteboard behind him, “Opposites attract” Johnny was distracted watching Mr. Jessup’s volume down slurps until he cants slurp anymore.

That loud “Schlluurrpppping” noise you get when you finish a soda with a straw echoes through Johnny’s apartment. Mr. Jessup stops for a beat; he’s paused, still holding a marker about to write as if he heard Johnny’s annoying ass slurp. Johnny sits up straight, worried. He checks his laptop. It shows Johnny is still on mute.

Johnny looks back up, and Mr. Jessup is close to his full-screen webcam, staring at Johnny. Johnny yells, scooting away from his laptop.
Insert zoom screen. It’s back to normal

MR. JESSUP
Now, as you can see, baking soda is the pimp of the science community, always —
JOHNNY
Mr. Jessup?

Mr. Jessup turns to face his zoom camera.

MR. JESSUP
Yes?

Johnny shows Mr. Jessup his empty Big Gulp

JOHNNY
Can I use the bathroom?

MR. JESSUP (OC.)
What?… Yeah. Of course. You don’t need to ask me about that.

JOHNNY
(awkwardly)
Oh..ha..okay, cool, thanks.

Johnny lifts up the toilets seat, unbuckles his leather belt, and takes in a deep breath before he can exhale.LOUD COLLECTIVE SCREAMS ARE HEARD FROM OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM. The sounds emanate from Johnny’s laptop, loud creepy noises. Johnny picks up his pants quickly and runs back into the living room.

The sounds of murderous screams come from Johnny’s laptop. He runs over as he buckles his leather belt. Johnny gets in front of the camera, and…
The screen is entirely normal, Mr. Jessup is teaching, and the other kids are bored out of their minds. Johnny interrupts Mr. Jessup.

JOHNNY
Is everything okay? Is everyone alright?

Mr. Jessup pauses, annoyed, and lets out a big sigh.
MR. JESSUP
Look, Johnny, it’s one thing to be irresponsible and down a Big Gulp before class, but it’s even worse when you interrupt my class. Twice.

JOHNNY
Oh…sorry. I — yeah, your right, my bad.
(beat)
So can I go pee-pee?

MR. JESSUP
Ew… YES! Please leave!

JOHNNY
Okay. Okay! Geez!

Johnny angles his laptop, so it faces the bathroom. He walks backward, looking at the computer, trying his best not to take his eyes off it.
Johnny enters the bathroom. He sticks his head out of the bathroom one last time to check. Johnny shakes his head confused, lifts up the toilet seat again, and takes in a deep breath. And right before he can exhale, he hears…

A COLLECTIVE CHANT FROM THE ENTIRE CLASS THAT SAYS.
“Johnny’s a bitch… Johnny’s A bitch… Johnny’s a bitch”
Johnny picks up his pants and waits, listening at the door, first furious then nodding his head along with the catchy chant.
“Johnny’s a bitch… Johnny’s A bitch… Johnny’s a bitch”

Johnny pokes his head out the bathroom door and can see the zoom call.
Every student’s camera is off, but every box is highlighted, showing that everyone is chiming in.

Johnny walks into his living room determined. He kicks his swivel chair away and stands over his laptop.

JOHNNY
All right, what’s going on here? Can I go to the bathroom or not?

Mr. Jessup starts to laugh…a creepy laugh.
Mr. Jessup turns from his whiteboard in full-screen, laughing, staring at his webcam, then stops.

MR. JESSUP
No. Johnny…you can’t go to the bathroom.

The students start to laugh evilly through the zoom chat.
DUSTIN (18) doesn’t have his webcam on, and his profile picture is of the grim reaper; Dustin has a really annoying high-pitch dick of the year voice.

DUSTIN
Yeah…Johnny, can you go to the bathroom?

Johnny looks around, confused.

JOHNNY
Can —

MR. JESSUP
You can’t do shit.

MR. JESSUP
Yeah…yeah…now seat yo ass down and start taking some notes.

Johnny starts to cry a slowly “I don’t wanna do this” type of cry. He looks at his empty Big Gulp and knocks it to the ground.

MR. JESSUP
Yeah…yeah…write that shit.

DORCY (18) interrupts this forced study session.
DORCY
Mr. Jessup

MR. JESSUP
WHAT!!

DORCY
May I go to the bathroom?

The tone shifts, Mr. Jessup, is happy.

MR. JESSUP
Yes, You May.

Mr. Jessup holds on to the word may as he looks at Johnny.
The frame freezes, and a random lady in a suit walks into the frame.
She looks directly into the camera.

RANDOM LADY IN SUIT
That’s right, kids… I’m Bob Saget’s…niece…probably

RANDOM LADY IN SUIT
Manners…are…good.

THE END.